Almost done with January – and how are those New Year’s resolutions holding up? Are you on track for losing a few pandemic pounds? Keeping your “no wine” in January commitment? How about reducing those hours spent in front of Netflix? Nope? Me either.
The good news however, is that we can stop beating ourselves up for lacking willpower. In fact, beating ourselves up is, according to the Positive Intelligence coaching model, and several significant studies – counterproductive. So stop that right now.
Instead, I invite you to dig a little deeper into what trips you up on the way to whoever you know you can be, and whatever you need to accomplish. In the Positive Intelligence (PQ) model, we uncover our internal critic – The Judge – along with nine individual Saboteurs, who are interesting little obstacles in their own way. I’ll offer profiles of the Judge and Saboteurs over the next months, as well as the five Sage powers that help diffuse their influence. That’s the plan – and I fully expect my Saboteurs will attempt to sabotage me along the way!
First you’ll want to take, for free, a very short and quite revealing Saboteur Assessment to find out which of these bad boys are tripping you up.
And a note about the Saboteurs: they are each composed of positive strengths and attributes that are pushed beyond productivity into imbalance and disfunction. And who is primarily responsible for that push? You’re smart so I bet you guessed. Meet your Judge, your ever-present nemesis, the primary engine behind your misery.
And why ever would you want to get to know this annoying entity better? Because it can be fun. No, really. In fact, the more fun you have with your Judge/Internal Critic, the better.
But first, we need to flush this sneaky snake out from under the bushes of our awareness. One of the most effective methods is to personify the Judge. This part is not so fun, but it’s oh so important in finding the cracks in the Judge’s armor. Here’s how:
Find yourself a quiet place where you can be alone. Grab a notebook and something to write or draw with. Stand up with weight distributed on both feet evenly, close your eyes. Now imagine you are your internal critic – you are embodying this being. Note what happens to your body: are you hunching your shoulders? Are your hands curling into fists? What expression is creeping onto your face? Are you holding your breath? Just observe internally the changes in your body, your face, your mind – now intensify them! That’s right – make this big bad ball of bullshit even nastier. Now release yourself from the Judge’s grip. All done! Feel the relief of having that entity out of you. Whew!
Now write down what you noticed about your Judge. Was it vicious and punishing? Contemptuous of you? Most judges fall into one of these camps.
What else did you notice about this being? Picture the Judge clearly in your mind. Give it a name, clothing, a hair style. What’s it doing?Hear their voice in your head. Is it syrupy soft and melodious, like poison flowing from a fancy bottle? Or does it sound like chalk on a blackboard? Or does it roar like the big bully it is?
Here’s my Judge: I call her “Aunt Eunice”. She’s got a very nasal voice, and sibilant “ss”es that make her sound like a snake. She’s got her hair in a badly dyed black bubble cut, cats-eye classes, purple polyester pants. She’s got a cigarette in one hand and a martini in the other. When I get sick of her telling me how much I’ve messed things up, or how I shouldn’t even try to build my coach business or there’s no point in reaching for the stars…. I calmly invite her to refresh her martini at the minibar in the fifth sub-basement of the Kym’s Head Hotel. That usually gets rid of her. At least for awhile.
Have fun with this. Draw the Judge for yourself if that appeals to you. Make a collage portrait and throw darts at her. It sounds silly, but it’s quite satisfying and a powerful statement to this entity that you will not be in their clutches for much longer.
Of course, battling this internal critic is a lifelong quest. But not to worry! The influence of the Judge and nine saboteurs can be effectively weakened by strengthening the power of our internal Sage.
The Sage is our inner essence; the core of who we are undamaged by our life experience, no matter how painful those influences may have been. The Sage is who we see shining out of our eyes in childhood photos – our inner knowing – our conscience, our compass. No matter how dysfunctional our habits and behaviors, the Sage remains within, waiting to be acknowledged and strengthened.
The five Sage powers outlined in the PQ model: Empathize, Explore, Innovate, Navigate, and Action, can be strengthened through consistent practice as outlined in the PQ app – this app is one of the key benefits of a PQ coach package. Through this app, you’ll be able to access the online PQ community, the PQ gym with short mindfulness exercises to increase Sage powers, Daily prompts from Shirzad customized to the primary saboteur you are struggling with, and a handy link to chart your progress. Coach clients find this app to be one of the premium benefits in a PQ Mindset coaching package. These strategies, mindfully and consistently applied, will, over time, amplify the influence of our internal Sage, while at the same time, they weaken our Judge and whatever pesky saboteurs we wrestle with.
For this year, I’ll be profiling a saboteur of the month in my blogposts, and offering specific Sage powers that can help de-escalate their influence. Again, you’ll want to take your quick and free assessment to find out which saboteurs are getting in your way. Find out more about how to strengthen your mindset with a free coach session!
I can’t emphasize enough the power of having fun with your internal critic Judge! I’d love to know how these exercises worked for you.