We all know we need to be good listeners, but what does that really mean? Here’s some new ways in to our most under-rated superpower – Along with a few tips to super-charge your listening! Start here with
Blake’s Story
Blake turns off the pavement onto a dirt road leading toward dense woods. He takes a deep breath to calm his nerves, and scans the landscape in front of him: scrub brush gives way to lush pine forest and the distant blue mountains beyond disappear, the deeper into the woods he goes. The road ends at the next turn. He stops the jeep in a driveway choked with crabgrass, weeds, cigarette butts. And there he is – MJ Robbins; broad shouldered, glowering, arms crossed, stance wide. MJ is not happy.
Blake wants to throw the jeep into reverse and get the hell out, but he doesn’t. It’s his job to talk to MJ. It’s his job to get MJ onboard with the new environmental rules on wetlands preservation. Blake needs to establish some kind of trust in the next hour that will change MJ’s mind about Blake, government regulation, and environmental responsibility. But how?
Communications Training with the DEP
Blake was, at the time of the training I did with his team at the Department of Environmental Protection, in his early thirties, and relatively new to the field. In our beginning sessions, he sat slouched in the back of the room, looking miserable. But when I asked for someone to volunteer a situation that we could process, his was the first hand raised. As he relayed his experience with MJ, I could see heads nodding around the room as the other trainees listened – they had all been in similar situations. I could hear the frustration in Blakes’ voice, and a fair amount of resentment. I offered Blake a chance for a “do-over” role play with my colleague Robert so that we could analyze the situation and come up with more effective strategies. It quickly became clear what Blake was listening for: a chance to share his extensive knowledge of environmental codes and policies. But that was not the information that would get him to his ultimate goal.
Listen for Something New
What does it mean to be a “good listener”? Are the requirements the same in each engagement – or do they shift according to specific criteria? And in Blake’s situation, how could I get him to listen for new kinds of information that would help him better connect with landowners like MJ?
These are some of the questions that sparked my curiosity about my own listening habits and the factors that impact them. This ultimately led me to write my book Head, Heart and Hands Listening in Coach Practice, just released this month by Routledge Publishers. I’ve combined compelling true stories, research, informative how- to’s, and an easily applied model focused on the power of effective listening in a variety of professions, especially coaching. Head, Heart, & Hand Listening in Coaching Practice is about how we listen, what we listen for, why it matters, and how to do it better.
Some Quick Listening Lessons:
- We tend to think of listening as a passive activity, but it is not. Consciously or not, we are always listening for something.
- Once we can identify our active intentions around listening, we can start to understand why we retain what we retain – and what we don’t.
- Our conscious and unconscious biases impact our listening and our retention. These biases are often strengthened by our professions.
- Of the Head, Heart and Hands listening styles explored in the book, most of us are proficient in two of them: our primary and secondary modalities. Our weakest modality holds what we miss in our listening.
- Western cultures have an abundance of Head and Hand listening skills, but are very low in the empathy and trust-building Heart modality. This deficit accounts for so much of the strife, distrust and tension we find ourselves navigating in our workplaces, our communities, our nation.
For a chance to dig into your own listening style – check out my book: Head, Heart and Hand Listening in Coach Practice at the links below, and contact me with any questions.: kym@kymdakin.com
“I’ve been coaching for over twenty years and was blown away by this much needed book!”
Rahti Gorfien, PCC, ACCG, CSS Creative Calling Coaching, LLC
To buy the book at a 20% discount on the Publisher’s website: Follow this link and enter code SMA36 at checkout. Valid July 4, 2023 through August 31, 2023.
To buy on Amazon – Go to this link
To review my book on Amazon: Go to this link Scroll all the way to the bottom and click on the link under Review this Book.