(Check out the Quick Video of this blogpost in the Monday Mindset Minute!)
My client “Nancy” stares out of my computer on our zoom call. Her face is sad, stressed, and anxious. The date of the pitch contest where she’s expected to promote her new business is drawing ever closer, and still she struggles to get clear about exactly what she wants to communicate to her audience. We’ve gone over structure, story, highlights, the problem her business solves, the benefits… And still, she just can’t shake the feeling that there’s “something else” that needs to be in the mix.
Ugh…The Stickler!
I know Nancy struggles with the perfectionistic tendencies of her primary saboteur – the Stickler, and she knows it too, but knowing this doesn’t make toxic perfectionism go away. It’s time to bring something else into the mix.
Time to Play A Game
The game called “Yes AND” is straight out of the Positive Intelligence (PQ) Sage playbook It’s aligned with the creativity of the Sage power Innovate. I’ve found myself bringing into situations where some fresh thinking is required.
The Improv Connection
Yes AND also has roots in improvisation – Whatever your fellow improvisor offers onstage – no matter how whacky – the group’s job is to go with that idea, and then add to it – that’s the AND part.
If you’ve done any kind of brainstorming in a business setting, or any kind of group wrestling with an important challenge, you may be familiar with a brainstorm TRAP – the Yes BUT…
Yes BUT is not the same as Yes AND…
Like the time you offered a tender untried idea in that team brainstorm session and the Devil’s advocates had a field day kicking your idea in the nuts with their Yes Buts.
*”Yes BUT….it’s too expensive, Yes BUT …we don’t have the infrastructure, Yes BUT …we tried something weird like that last year and it totally tanked.*”
Yes, we’ve all been there. BUT… Yes AND is different.
The 10% Rule
Yes AND is built on the 10 % rule that says every idea, no matter how weird, has at least 10 % validity. With this rule, the Yes AND game challenges you to find and verbally articulate something you like about what your partner just put forward. Then you ADD to that idea with something of your own – that’s the AND part. This way, every idea is honored, even just a little bit, and people start to feel a little free-er to offer something the pushes the boundaries of what they thought was possible. Imagine what could happen if Congress had to play the Yes AND game…. Take that nut-kickers!
For many of us, however, finding the 10% validity can be a real challenge. We are living and working in cultures that largely focus on what is WRONG with a process, a system, an idea. Additionally, for English speakers, only 30% of the words we use have a positive connotation! In finding 10% validity, we are literally trying to build our neuro-plasticity – so no wonder this feels difficult! But within a few rounds of Yes AND, it starts to get easier.
Yes AND Takes On The Stickler
Nancy was at first reluctant to play this game with me. For perfectionists in particular, it can feel very scary to offer something untried and less than perfect. It can also feel, to some, like a colossal waste of time. But once she entered into the game, and heard me articulate the 10% workability a few times, once she exercised her own validation muscles a bit, her face softened and she started to have fun. Together, we hit upon a story for her business that would send her presentation soaring. She left our session inspired, excited and ready for her audience.
If you’ve got a challenge you’d like some input on – I’m happy to play the Yes AND game with you. Just sign up for a Free Discovery session at kymdakin.com/coach