Don’t you hate it when another emergency message crash lands into your email about something ELSE you can do for a CAUSE you signed up for in a weak moment? You know, when you had the illusion of having time to commit to yet another vital, important and needy effort?
This happened to me shortly after the most recent mass shootings in May and June. A friend who alerts me about marches and rallies told me that 3 days from then, on a precious Saturday, there would be a rally in our city to promote Gun Safety.
This stuff, while inspiring and worthy – makes me grind my teeth, largely because of my perceived lack of time and all the SHOULDS implied in the opportunity. If I were a good and worthy person who walked my talk about wanting to find a way to help, I would SHOW UP. Shoulda woulda coulda.
Grrrr.
Then I thought about our ATD summer theme:
What makes a meaningful experience?
When was the last time I actually had a meaningful experience?
In a previous blog I wrote on this topic, I had outlined some of what I’ve discovered about the ingredients of a meaningful day for me: if I’ve learned something new, if I’ve captured a story to include in the book I’m writing, if I’ve taken the time to have an in-depth conversation with a loved one or a friend or an off-the-surface interaction with a stranger, if I’ve had a particularly revealing coaching session with a client, then I’ve had a meaningful day.
Now, I was confronted with another way to create a meaningful experience: showing up to support something greater than my personal concerns.
Oh and…I also know from my Positive Intelligence assessment, that one of my top Saboteurs is The Avoider. And she has lots of reasonable and oh-so-tempting ways to sink me into just doing the same old same old.
Sigh. Okay. FINE.
I’ll forgo my yummy self-care Saturday plans and go to the rally. But my pals better go too!
We’re texting back and forth. I detect the first signs of cold feet, even from the friend, I’ll call her “J” who notified me about the rally in the first place Parking issues “It’ll be so crowded!” , lack of shade in the area we’ll be in, “It’ll be really hot!” and the coup d’tat from my friend “D”:“My knee has been hurting, I don’t know if it will be better by Saturday!”
What was that book again?
As it happens, I’ve been digging into an intriguing book by Loran Nordgren and David Schonthal called “The Human Element: Overcoming the Resistance That Awaits New Ideas”. This book was suddenly speaking very loudly to my experience.
Nordgren and Schonthal have outlined four different types of “Friction” that awaits new ideas (or just out-of-the-ordinary ideas like going to a social issue rally). They are:
- Inertia – the powerful need to stick to what we know, no matter the negativity it produces or the problems it intensifies. Or the guilt I’ll feel passing up yet another opportunity to get involved.
- Effort – The real or erroneously perceived effort we expect to have to undertake in order to make change. This is where the parking and the “no shade” concerns arise.
- Emotion – The unintended negative emotions created by making a change – like fear that participation in the rally could cause physical stress on that pesky knee.
- Reactance – The active and often hostile reaction to change that is demanded from outside forces – like fear of whether violent protesters from “the other side” will wreak havoc on the rally.
The Aha! moment…
Once I remembered what I had been reading, I understood what I needed to do to get us to the rally. And it was interesting to me that when my friends started wienering out, I got more committed.
I assured J that I would drive us all down there. We three would fit into my small Honda as it would be easier to park. (Good thing we like each other). I would drop she and D off at the location and then walk back to where they were. I brought iced water, sun umbrellas and snacks for everyone (this was like pulling together an outing with small children!) We would leave D’s house in plenty of time to make the rally. D offered to make lunch for us all afterward to sweeten the whole experience.
ATD Connection?
Now, admittedly, this story may be a stretch when trying to align elements of the ATD Capability model with finding the motivation to go to a rally. But it’s summer. Humor me.
Under the Coaching section of the model, there are 8 knowledge and skill statements. The second statement is as follows: Skill in helping individuals or teams identify goals, develop realistic action plans, seek development opportunities, and monitor progress and accountability.
There is resonance to be found in the first two elements when it comes to my story: I surely helped my friends identify specific goals and action plans, despite their growing resistance. I’m not sure about monitoring the progress. Maybe this will be addressed at the end of this post.
Back to Saturday….
We found an ideal parking spot that only cars like my Honda Fit can “fit” into – and I knew then and there that the effort was going to be a WIN.
We marched and chanted and drew stick figures in sidewalk chalk to represent the 36K victims of gun violence. We listened to powerful speeches by ordinary people: police, teachers, school administrators, terrified teenagers. We cried. We hugged each other. We hugged strangers. When we piled back into my car, we all agreed that the event was well worth the effort.
But why?
Why did it feel that way when “realistically”, going to a rally won’t make that much difference?
Perhaps the answer, despite all the cynicism, lies in our undying American belief that collectively, we can move mountains…if we show up enough, speak up enough, listen up enough.
As of this writing, the Senate is poised to pass legislation that constitutes the tiniest of baby steps toward gun safety in our country. Nonetheless, it’s the most comprehensive legislation we will have managed to pass to curb gun violence in 25 years of mass shootings.
Baby steps still count
The efforts, the connections, the time spent on a precious Saturday definitely counted for me toward a meaningful experience. I hope to remember this day when the next chance arises to wrestle myself out of my comfortable routine and show up for something or someone else.
At this point, I could enthusiastically include lots of options for getting involved in lots of worthy causes. But I’m not going to. You have your own list – and your own limits. This post is but my own small story of briefly stepping over what limits me. May your summer world offer you a few meaningful opportunities too.
Curious about Mindset Coaching? Get a spot on my calendar NOW and take a quick fun Saboteur Assessment!